Maura's letters
by Wolflover007
Summary: Maura writes 5 letters to her loved ones.
1. Prolouge

**A/N: Hello there. It has been a while since I have written. School and finals kicked my ass and my time. However I am now on break from college for a month so I will update more often or try to.**

**I don't own these characters. TNT does. :( This is a sad/dark fic. Warnings below.**

**WARNING:**

** THIS PIECE CONTAINS THE FOLLOWING: RAPE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, SELF HARM AND OVERALL GRIEF/SADNESS. IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED OR AFFECTED BY THESE, PLEASE DONT READ! YOUR HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS STORY.**

**NOW ONTO THE STORY.**

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><p>Maura sighed as she slumped against the couch. She shivered even though there was a heat wave in Boston. She just wanted to sleep but as the night dragged on she couldn't. The nightmare was too real. She grabbed the bottle of Bruichladdich and opened it. She set it down to get a glass and a knife.<p>

She trembled as she brought the knife to her arm like so many time before. She looked at the marks already engraved into her skin and hesitated. She closed her eyes for a moment.

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><p><em>20-year-old Maura pulled at the belts that tied her to the bed. She tried to scream but felt a sock in her mouth. She thrashed as she tried to fight. <em>

"_That's it keep struggling." She heard a man say._

_She glared at him and he smirked rubbing his crotch. He took off his boxers and carried a knife over to her. He glared at her dress._

"_Such a pretty dress. You wore it to get my attention didn't you?"_

_She thought of earlier when she asked her roommate what she should wear. They were going to a party to socialize and Maura thought it would be good to have some interaction. Now she wish she stayed home as this man was evil._

_She felt him cut her dress with the knife and he pulled down her panties. She tried to kick him but he held her down._

"_The whore puts up a fight. You want it admit it."_

_Maura fought harder but screamed when he entered her. He started thrusting and she felt the blood from her hymen being torn. Her first time would be with a rapist. Maura wanted to vomit and as she felt him go faster she heard words._

_He whispered things like "good girl, scream whore, so tight, you like this you slut, you're mine…" into her ears. She had stopped fighting until he rubbed her clit. She fought helplessly as she felt the warmth in her stomach. She didn't want to cum with him and held it back as best she could. Sadly her body betrayed her as she felt her muscles tighten and her body still. He eventually pulled out and undid the belts. _

_He smiled as she beat her and cracked her ribs by kicking her. Once she passed out her carried her out and said she got hurt from falling. Her roommate took her home. Maura transferred out of that school._

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><p>Maura opened her eyes and looked at the knife again. She thought about ending it before. It would be so easy just to do it. Maura was so tired, so sad and so alone. She just couldn't go on. She should do it.<p>

The only thing holding her back was Jane. Jane who never knew about the rape, who never knew how badly Maura wanted to do this. Her sweet girlfriend who was at her apartment. The sweet lover who tried to help, who gave Maura a glimpse of hope for the past year that they have been dating.

Sadly it wasn't enough. She downed some whiskey and cut a horizontal line into her arm. It usually worked but she didn't feel any relief. She raised the knife again but it still did nothing.

She drowned more whiskey and grabbed some paper to tear it up hoping that would help. It didn't.

**Do it. End it**. Her mind said.

She grabbed the lockbox in her closet and got the pistol she kept in it. She wanted a gun for fun as well as protection and now it will be her peace.

She grew mad and grabbed the bottle. She chugged the rest of it and smashed it against the wall. She ran out of her house and drove to nowhere.

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><p>Maura sat under a tree in the middle of the forest at the park. She had went off the path and smirked as she felt the rain. Rain was water. It was supposed to was away sin and purify those who were tainted. But she couldn't be pure. She has been tainted for 20 years. She didn't want Jane to become tainted like she was. All she wanted was her innocence back from that night but she would never get it back.<p>

She ran a hand through her wet hair and smiled. She looked at the sky. She put the gun to her head. It would be quick. One little flick and it would be over. She smirked. As a child the darkness was her salvation, after the rape the darkness was a fear. So much that she had to sleep with some form of light. Now that eternal darkness will once again serve as her salvation.

She thought of a song that she liked as she got one last look of earth she was about to leave.

_But it gets so lonely_

_Being on my own_

_With no one to talk to_

_And no one to hold me_

_I'm not always strong_

**Jane I'm sorry. You deserved a better girlfriend. **She thought.

_Hear me I'm crying out, I'm ready now_

_Turn my world upside down, find me_

_I'm lost inside the crowd, it's getting loud_

The voices in her head grew louder.

**Do it. **

**End it.**

**Just one flick.**

**Just one…**

BANG!

**Darkness.**

**Silence.**

**Nothingness. **

**Peace.**

**End Prologue**


	2. Mystery

Ring…Ring…Ring…

Jane's phone went off. She looked at the clock. 7:00 am.

"Ugh. This better be good."

She picked up the phone.

"Rizzoli."

"Jane…You're needed at the Boston park. It's important."

Jane was confused, very few times has she heard the word important. She called Maura. There was no answer. She figured she was already at the scene.

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><p>She arrived at the scene to see Korsak and Frost. Jane approached them to see a college age male standing next to them. He looked scared and sad about something.<p>

"What have we got?" Jane asked.

"Kid was jogging this morning. Found a body." Korsack said.

"Alright. Shouldn't we wait for Maura?" Jane asked.

"The doc's not answering her phone." Korsak stated.

"I tracked it at her house but there's no answer." Frost jumped in.

"That's weird. I talked to her yesterday." Jane said.

Jane was starting to worry. Maura was usually up at this hour. What was happening?

"Can I go now?" the kid asked.

"Take us to the body first." Jane ordered.

They walked on the path for a good mile and then the man pointed to the off path that went into the woods.

"It's in there. Do I have to go in? It was pretty gruesome." The man said obviously too freaked out to return.

Jane looked at the man for a moment then at korsak.

"I already took his statement. His story seems fine."

"Alright you may go, we may contact you again." Jane said.

The man walked away returning to the barricades to talk with the other cops.

"Still no word from the doc." Frost said hanging up his phone.

"That's weird she's usually here by now." Jane said.

"Maybe she's having a fashion mishap." Korsak joked.

* * *

><p>The three of them laughed and continued off the trail. They walked a good mile before Jane had a bad feeling in her gut.<p>

"Hey Korsak…"

"Me too Jane." He said. He hadn't felt this unsettled since Hoyt first returned.

The three of them walked in silence for a little bit. Frost took a different way to cover more ground.

"Where's this body?" Jane said.

"Maybe the killer moved it or gave them a shallow grave." Korsak said.

Eventually they found Frost vomiting badly.

"What's the matter Frost? Can stand deco?" Korsak teased.

Frost grew grim and said nothing.

"Hey Frost he was joking." Jane said.

Frost was still quiet.

"Frost, is it that bad?" Korsak asked.

"Well let's go." Jane said heading to a cleared spot past Frost.

"NO!" Frost yelled and reached for Jane but couldn't due to his vomiting.

Korsak grew afraid for the first time in years. If Frost didn't want Jane to see it, it must be bad. He ran to his old partner and tried to stop her.

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><p>It was too late. Jane stood paralyzed for a moment and stared at the scene in front of her. Maura was slumped back against the tree. Blood ran down her arms although it's dry now. The lines on her arm were starting to heal. There was blood and tissue splatter to Maura's left side. Maura's skin was starting to turn green from advanced decomposition and the heat.<p>

For the first time since she was a rookie she ran from the scene and vomited like Frost. She vomited and then screamed and fell to her knees. Frost came over and hugged her. Korsak moved closer to the scene. While he didn't vomit there was a slight trembling on his part and a choked up voice.

He hadn't gotten close enough to see Maura very clearly as no one had touched her yet. However he knew something that Frost and Jane wouldn't. He saw it during Vietnam but didn't want to acknowledge that reality.

He went to Jane and hugged her then ordered the crew to evaluate the scene. Jane tried to remain calm but broke down in their arms. She had calmed enough to go to Maura. She knelled and stroked Maura's face. It looked like Maura was sleeping.

"Maura?" Jane asked quietly.

There was no answer.

Frost started to move to Jane. Korsak put his arm in front of him and shook his head. Frost stood still.

"Maura get up." She whispered.

There was still no answer.

"We gotta go home." She said as she shook Maura.

Maura fell onto Jane's lap. Cold and still.

"Ma..Maur…?" Jane couldn't finish as her voice choked up.

Jane looked at Korsak for help. His face was cold.

"Korsak?" she asked tears running down her face.

Korsak said nothing.

Jane let out the most horrid scream she ever heard. She held Maura close as she sobbed. She felt someone pulling her from Maura. She fought them and screamed Maura's name before everything went black.

* * *

><p>Jane woke up in the ICU a few hours later. She heard the familiar beep of monitors as she sat up.<p>

_Must have been a dream_. She thought.

She laid back down and looked around. She saw Frost and Korsak. Their faces were sad and mournful. What was wrong? Wait it couldn't be real…Could it?

"Where's Maura?" Jane asked.

Frost and Korsak looked at each other. Jane grew confused. Why were they hesitating? Frost left the room to get coffee. Korsak went to hold Jane's hand.

"Jane…the doc…the doc is dead." He said.

Jane's eyes rolled back as she passed out from the news.

"..And I don't think it was a homicide." He said to himself.


End file.
